


Eyes Half Closed

by totemwolfie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sadness, Unrequited Love, unexpressed feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 10:35:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16993431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totemwolfie/pseuds/totemwolfie
Summary: Keith gets an invitation that changes his life.





	Eyes Half Closed

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE SEASON 8 SPOILERS. If you haven't watched season 8 yet, then don't read this.
> 
> That being said, I just had to get this out of my system. I have a lot of feelings. I wrote this mostly on my phone at work, and I apologize the way it's written. This isn't normally how I write, but this is more... therapy for myself, than anything.
> 
> That being said, I am going to miss Voltron. It was a ride.

When Keith returned to his room on the Marmora ship there was a message waiting for him. He dropped his bag, which had been filled with packaged bricks of pre-processed food rations, and took a second to pull his sweaty hair up into a ponytail and off his neck. He needed to get out of his uniform and shower, but the slow blink of the message light couldn’t be ignored.

He crossed over to the comm unit and hit the button. He expected a face or a voice, but instead it was very simple text. An invitation.

To a wedding.

Shiro’s wedding.

Keith’s heart dropped into his stomach and everything felt cold. He stood staring at the simple, polite invite.

Shiro wanted him to be his best man.

But he understood if Keith’s duties were kept him from returning to Earth.

Sickness spread through Keith like wildfire. When he finally stepped away he headed for the tiny bathroom in his room. He tugged off clothing as he walked, until he stepped naked into the shower. Cold, recycled water hit him like a slap but he didn’t even feel it. He was numb. 

He leaned against the wall, hands pressing into the faux tile. His hands were rough, his knuckles bruised from hard work. When his legs gave out he sank to the bottom of the shower, and stayed there until the water timed out.

Eventually he hauled himself up, brushed his hair and his teeth, and dressed in clean clothing. He stopped at his work desk and looked at the calendar.

It had been almost a year since he had decided to travel with the Blades and help with humanitarian efforts on planets that had been crippled by war. They spread the message of hope and peace, handed out food rations, set up wells with water purifiers, and helped start fields of crops and gardens. It was hard work, but rewarding. And every night, when he returned to his room, he’d talked to Shiro.

Until the last few months.

He had said nothing of dating. He had only discussed work, and asked Keith about his life.

Keith felt sick again. Had he somehow missed this? How could something so huge never came up? Maybe Shiro had tried to talk to him but Keith had awkwardly missed it?

He pinched the bridge of his nose as tears stung his eyes. Refusing to cry, he finally walked over to the message, still open and awaiting a reply.

_I’m happy for you. I’d be honored._

…

Keith left for Earth a week later. He still hadn’t recovered from the shock. It had been made worse when Shiro had replied saying how happy he was, and had included an attachment of him and his fiancée.

Keith couldn’t remember his name. But he was gorgeous; tall, thick like Shiro, with a gentle smile and mischievous eyes. Keith had deleted it.

When he landed on Earth no one was there to greet him, but he hadn’t told anyone when he was arriving. He grabbed his bag and left the shuttle bay, his destination a hotel room that Shiro had been kind enough to arrange for him ahead of time, for whenever he arrived at Earth.

Keith caught a ride there, the cab driver an alien that thankfully didn’t recognize him. He stared out the window, admiring all the work that had gone into the city since the attacks. It was looking like… Earth again. He sighed and rubbed his forehead for the millionth time that day.

At the hotel he dropped his bag on the bed. Shiro had asked for his measurements in an earlier message, and so there was a pristine white tux hanging from the bathroom door.

Perfect for a best man.

Pain pinched Keith’s heart and he inhaled sharply. He sat down, breathing even and deep, trying to wrangle in his heart that was threatening to leap out his mouth or implode.

The last couple years flashed through his mind and he wondered where he messed up. There had been so much going on that Keith had never stopped to think of their lives after Voltron and the war. He had just assumed he and Shiro would be together forever.

How stupid. He dropped his head and dug his fingers into his knees to the point of pain. He had went away and Shiro had moved on with his life.

Had he really expected Shiro to wait...

He had planned to hide in his room until the wedding, but as usual when he planned things out, it didn’t go that way. He had just ordered room service for the evening, thinking that he might as well have some decent food before going back into space, when there was a knock at the door. And it wasn’t room service.

When Keith saw Shiro standing in the doorway his brain went blank. He stared at the man he had spent more time with than anyone. Who he had risked it all for. Had nearly died for—had been willing to die for. The man he had searched for for months, the man…

Who was holding someone else’s hand.

He stood rigid, hand on the door knob, heart hammering with the intensity of a star ready to burst. He was scrambling for the proper words when Shiro exclaimed his name with warmth and delight and scooped him into a massive hug. It was brief, but it was all too familiar. Shiro was just as solid as Keith remembers, and he smells sweet, like vanilla and ceder wood. When they part Keith can’t help but feel cold. 

Shiro introduces his fiance, Keith doesn’t catch his name, because there is too much white noise and static buzzing in his head. After a second he invites them in, because that’s what friends do, and they sit and they chat. Shiro’s hand never leaves the other man’s knee.

They look… happy.

And Keith wants to die.

They order room service for themselves and the trio eat together in the room. Keith catches glimpses of sparkle from their hands: matching metallic engagement rings. Keith’s chest tightens and he almost chokes on his food. But he recovers quickly and continues to make short, quiet conversation, pretending to be interested in their lives. 

After what feels like hours they leave, and Keith rushes to the bathroom and vomits up his meal. He sits on the floor, staring down at the floor, his entire body nauseous and brain buzzing loudly.

He’s happy for Shiro. He would never try to take that away from the man. Shiro _deserves_ to be happy.

He loves him so goddamn much.

But Keith sits, chest aching with heartbreak, wondering if he had said something…

If he had said something, all those years ago. Even months ago. At some point…

But he had never said anything, because he had just assumed. 

...

The wedding is simple and sweet. Keith sees the other Paladins, and greets them with hugs. They catch up on life, and Keith keeps it together. He’s pretty proud of himself. Lance and Hunk ask him if he’s really okay, as they stand together holding hands, and Keith’s chest tightens again. It would be so easy to tell them the truth, that he’s dying inside, that it feels like there is a giant black hole in his center and it’s slowly chipping away at everything inside him. But he can’t do that to them. Lance has been through a lot, he lost the love of his life, too, but now he looks happy, his delicate hand clasped in Hunk’s.

He can’t rain on their happiness. He tells him everything is fine. He’s fine.

During the wedding he stands behind Shiro, arms crossed casually across his chest, just like the old-Keith would stand. On the outside he has a smile, he is focused on the two in front of him as they exchanged their vows. Shiro’s voice is soft and rich with warmth and love and listening to him pledge himself to another man has the color washing from Keith’s face.

But he straightens up, he holds it together. He blocks out their voices and instead focuses on the man in front of him. The tux he’s wearing was custom fit for him and looks amazing. His incredibly wide shoulders shake with laughter, his strong hands are delicate yet shaking as they exchange rings; his body is fit and perfect and Keith remembers their last hug.

He’ll never…

If he had said something…

There is a saltiness at the corner of his mouth and Keith rushes to wipe away the tear. It’s a wedding so others are crying, too. No one pays him any attention. Hunk and Lance are behind him, they don’t see his tears. Keith reels it in, he plants his feet, he stares at the stitching on Shiro’s tux. When the commander performing the ceremony asks if anyone has any reason why the two should not to be wed, Keith’s brain starts to rattle off the reasons. But he doesn't say a word. He only continues his fake smile. 

When Shiro’s new husband grabs Shiro and drags him in for a passionate kiss, Keith’s breath hitches.

He can’t do this.

He needs to leave.

When the ceremony is over the group heads for a hall for drinking, dancing and a meal. Someone slaps him on the back, tells him they can’t wait for his speech. Keith stops walking, because he hadn’t realized as the best man he would have to give a speech.

He stands off to the side, palms sweating and hands shaking, brain trying to come up with something to say. What to say. He could say good things about Shiro until he was hoarse. But he could not stand up there and… talk about… his marriage…

When the communicator on his wrist goes off he excuses himself to a private corner. It’s a message from the Blades. One of their ships has broken down just outside Jupiter’s orbit. Nothing serious, they aren’t in any danger, but they want Keith to stop and help with repairs on his way back to the mothership.

Keith replies that he’ll be there as soon as possible. He hates himself in this moment, as he tells a waiter to apologize to the groom for him, that there was an emergency with the Blades, and that he had to go. As he walks away, his footsteps loud and his heart even louder, and he hates himself even more.

He’s abandoning Shiro. He’s supposed to be there with them, celebrating.

But he can’t do it. He _can’t._

So instead he packs his bag, leaves the tux, and returns to his ship.

The pain inside him escalates as his ship leaves the atmosphere. He knows what he did was wrong. What’s worse is he knows Shiro won’t be angry, he’ll understand that Keith has a duty to the Blades and their efforts. He’ll forgive Keith. 

But Keith doesn’t think he’ll ever forgive himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Keith not remembering the fiance's name is simply because I have no idea what it is. I'm sure somewhere out there he has a name and stuff, but as of right now, I don't know what it is. And neither does Keith.


End file.
